Meditations

I sleep under an open window
Waiting for dreams to drift inside
Sometimes it gets cold but my heart stays warm
I sculpted a new soul out of rose quartz and gold
It's shinier than ever so I make sure to clean it every day
I live on a diet of paint, photosynthesized sunlight, and music notes
I'm healthy and I'm strong so I know I'm doing this right
These little rituals I've crafted,
Love notes to myself,
A small remedy I found for peace
I go on art adventures
I walk on sugared honey pathways
They're otherworldly meditations
Down feather comforters for my spirit
Some days are better than others
I'm broken down and missing parts, 'cause I've got a lemon heart
But I have my bandages and my needle and thread
And I have my ceremonies
Healing medicine that I take daily
Swallow it down with cinnamon tea
Each breath I take is a thank-you to the universe
For giving me this life
Sometimes it hurts to be alive
And that's when I use my meditations ❤

Let Me Love You

They all want me but I only want you
What's a girl to do
I'm used to being bad but you make me want to be good
Can I just hold your hand?
Could I just look in your eyes till we float into dreams?
Lie next to me and tell me everything
Take me to your planet
And let me unwrap your secrets
I want you to see me
Clearer than you've ever seen anyone else
Let me cut you open so I can crawl inside
Let me live within
Let me love you.

New Blood

Don't touch me
I will gut you like a fish
I'm sick of not having strength
I will fight till your funeral
Untie these ropes
Give me my knife and let me defend myself
Try to understand
I mean no harm
But I can't let you walk all over me
I'm not your doormat
I'm a fucking goddess
With a sword and a flame
Made of cinnamon and gasoline
Get your hands off of me
You don't deserve my gold
I can set you on fire and bury the ashes
I've been a fragile china doll for too long
It's time to become bulletproof
Enough tragedy
I've waited long enough
Rip off my skin, put my new blood on display
Fresh bones and sharp teeth
Drink power from my veins
I can grow new armor from the ashes of my enemies
I can grow flowers from my graveyard
I'm coming for everything they said I couldn't have
Eating my breakfast of glass and lotus flowers
Nothing can break me now
I am new and I am redeemed
Did you see my freedom simmering on the stove?
It's bubbling over now and ready for consumption
I've made a lot of messes and I've spilled a lot of blood, but
A small price to pay for pure fidelity
I'm not afraid to cut off fingers and gouge out eyes
Remember that before threatening my good nature
I am fire and I will not be put out.

Coup D'état

I woke up one morning with the wind knocked out of me
When I realized I could be free
I'm wide awake, I can't go back to sleep
Break these chains off of me

We've been imprisoned by force
Imaginary lines drawn in the dirt and threats of brutality if we don't bow to the crown
Rob us and hide the truth from us and turn us against our fellow man
We were raised to believe in authority
To fall to our knees with absolute trust in our hearts
Never question their motives or the official story!
Just accept your place and follow blindly!
But we are not just bricks in a wall
Their precious wall will fall
     I wasn't born to just fall in line
     Take orders and give you what's rightfully mine
     Get your boot off my throat
     My life is mine, not yours to buy
     I never consented to your violence, your bloodshed, or your puppet show
     My heart is breaking under the weight of this bondage
     Beaten into submission, my freedom kept under lock and key
     But I will no longer be held captive
     The time is now

I have a dream of running free
I cannot stay silent
While our very lives are at stake
We cannot be expected to survive on scraps when we deserve the entire feast

     These truths are bulletproof
     And your poison will not destroy them
     My allegiance is not with you
     My allegiance is underground, with the revolution
     I have no master, I answer to no one
     We will set this empire on fire
     And burn the ashes

My beloved brothers and sisters
This is the start
The is the time to pour gasoline on the spark
And rebuild our liberation
We are born free
They can never take that from me
Let us keep our freedom
And live in peace.

Friends

I know it wouldn't work
And I know it would be messy
So I won't let myself get attached
I refuse to break my own heart
It's okay if we're just friends
It's for the best
I have my life and you have yours
I have my flowers and my tea, my bliss and my need to be free
You have your cigarettes and your drink, your solitude and your life on the brink
The will not align and that's fine
It's okay if we're just friends
I don't expect anything more
I can walk away with no regrets
You can live in the abyss with your black heart
We don't need each other's love
Just another crutch to overcome
I'll go left and you go right
And that will be the end of it
It's okay if we're just friends, really

But

What if we were more?

Dirty Beautiful

Let me love my glass skin
I built a bouquet of magic out of my heartbreak
My journey has been rocky and my feet are bloody
But it's worth it to fall in love with myself
My imperfections are perfect
My weakness is my strength
No one else can hear the music in my head but it's the most beautiful song I've ever heard
Beautiful, violent, vulgar
Snow in summer
The ocean on fire
Maybe I'm still just a mess
But I've come to love the dysfunction
I follow my whirlwind heart
What a wild ride, to be by my side
Up and down eternally like the changing tides
I am allowed to be whoever I want to be
I am my artwork, inspired by oddity
Dirty beautiful aesthetic
Broken but glued back together
I'll give you my love if you give me your faith
My quirky, oversized, overjoyed love is worth it
I got a rose gold soul and flowers growing out of my bruises
Platinum scars and art gallery memories
Speed bumps here, speed bumps there, it's alright
Trust the process
What a surreal gift, to live this strange life
Unapologetic, unashamed
I can say I'm proud of my earthly time
And my alien heart
The longest drive with the roughest terrain, but
Dirty beautiful scenery
My favorite vacation.

A Poem For Mike

Your poor, sweet soul
So tortured inside you
Falling faster and faster without a net
I hope peace finally caught it with open arms
I hope your broken heart can now rest easy
The world is a little colder without you in it
A little darker and a lot harder
I'll miss you forever, like the moon misses the sun in the night sky
I hope you know how much I love you
Maybe one day, when you get bored with the clouds, you can come back down for a visit and let me know you're okay
Seeing you happy one last time would be an honor
But until then, sleep well
My sweet angel friend.




Rest in peace, Mike. ♥

Repair

I know you've been broken
I know your heart is in a cast
But I can fix you
I can sew up the wound with the sweetest needle
If you need a crutch, lean on me
Arms around me while I hold your hand
Give me your heartache
Bury your sins in my backyard
No matter what you've done, I'll take it on
I can see your scars, I don't care
I can smell the blood, I'm not scared
Paint over it, honey
Seal the edges and hide the seams
Throw some glitter on your bruises
I know you're wary
I know you're weary
Lay down baby, I'll take care of the rest
If I could swim with the white blood cells and save you from disorder, I would
Pushing your doubt into remission
I'll eat your decay and drink your sorrow
Let me swim in your veins and crawl inside your brain so I can heal you from the inside
Let me taste your skin when we wake up after sweating chemicals and breathing heavy
You can cry in my arms till we turn to dust
Leave your heartbreak at my door
I know I'm tarnished but you make me feel like gold
Melted into the cracks in your heart to put you back together
My home is in your bones
My faith is in your hands
I trust you and your bandaged soul
Do you trust mine?

Recipe

Destroy what you know
Eat flowers
Listen to the moon
Befriend yourself
Talk to strangers
Stop giving away pieces of yourself to people who don't deserve them
Admit fault, apologize, and forgive yourself
Let yourself feel
Feed your soul
Walk away when it's time to walk away
Throw a party for your flaws
Wear your scars like trophies
Question everything
Allow indulgence in vices
Never press pause on the music in your head
Trust your energy
Expand your consciousness
Take a bath with lavender oil and your favorite songs
Honor both the light and dark inside you
Thank the universe
Wipe off the blood, sew yourself back together, and bandage yourself up
Live in rainbows
Turn your madness into art
Live in euphoria, perform magic, and accept your final liberation.

Doe

She said she'd leave the door unlocked for me, to just come in
When I arrived, I went to her bedroom and saw her laying on her bed
Listening to Black Hole Sun and reading Bukowski
She had just painted her nails with nail strengthener so her bedroom smelled like chemicals, incense, and vanilla
She walked up to me to kiss me and she tasted like chocolate and rays of light and September
"What took you so long?" she asked with impatient sweetness
I told her about the traffic jam caused by the accident on Southern and the 101
And her pout turned into concern for the drivers
I love her concern
She wears the coat of a lion but inside she is a doe
She's a cloud inside a bullet
Roses set on fire
I watched her scurry around the kitchen to make us lunch
Little feet pitter-pattering
Small hands twisting and turning
This sweet creature
Tiny but strong
I don't know why she loves me
But I'll take whatever she has to offer
Meals, love, mercy
Oh, mercy me
My sweet doe.